I was watching Lorena on Amazon Prime Video and the story of Lorena Bobbitt who cut off her husband's penis. This story was detailing her trial in January of 1994. I am not sure why the documentary was released now. I have been hurt in the ways she describes, in terms of abuse. Yet I am a heterosexual man and I am relating to a woman's experience. At this point, I'll just say that in any sexually based crime where I was hurt, a man would have to have surprised and/or incapacitated me. What struck me about her story is where she says that by the time the police arrived he changed. He is calm and non-threatening. Imagine being a man trying to describe being afraid of a woman. The police ask with natural confusion about what she was going to do to me. I look stronger. She is telling a story that I am the bad guy for telling lies about her being dangerous to me. The police want to know if she has a bat or knives. What is it that has me afraid of this woman?
They must wonder what I am doing bothering them and that I might have a bad intention of making her look bad. I can understand that. On one occasion I thought she could be evaluated psychiatrically and they insisted on telling me this would go on her permanent record and it felt like they were negatively judging me for doing this. I had a roommate try to get me committed for revenge against me years earlier. So, I was afraid that after I said that I didn't want her taken away and I was sad for what might happen to her and her future with a psychiatric commitment on her record, that probably made things worse for me. It probably made me seem like I was trying to hurt her. I lost the focus on my prior fear and focused on the story about how this would damage her public record.
I guess what would help my story being believed is that no one ever saw me dominate or act in a controlling fashion with a spouse. There was never a time when my wife told a police officer that I punched her or grabbed her and left a mark on her, as is described in the story about Lorena Bobbitt. I also never leaned primarily on the insistence that she is lying. I also knew that I just wasn't capable of being the aggressor in a situation with a woman. So, it's interesting to relate to the story of a woman. Unlike, Lorena, I never felt like or was tempted to retaliate with violence. I would just get away, block the doors from being opened and things like that.